Beat together the eggs, sugar, and salt. Slowly beat in the lemonjuice until it breings to froth, then slowly add the milk, beating steadily to prevent curdling. Drain any excess water from the tapioca and then gently stir the beads into the custard mixture. Heat in the safety of a double boiler. You don’t want to boil the mixture and cause your substitute eyes to burst and the custard to curdle any more than the goblin housewife does hers.

Remove from the heat once the custard has set and keep stirring gently until it has begun to cool. Stir in the vanilla and the coloring. Make sure to include enough coloring so that your custard has the same bright putrescent glow as the real thing.